Letters in the Night

A few days have gone by. Life has pulled me away from writing. Living hurts but thats reality I guess. I will try to post more but sometimes am not in the mood. Besides I am only writing for me. so this looks even worse. blah.

No drugs will numb
the pain I wish to share
you can have a piece
if you wish to dare

waking in cold sweat

"wont save her from herself"
The song keeps playing
I already know I've lost
part of me keeps praying

the dream that never ends

she will never be the one
for all I receive is pain
I accept this and try for more
wanting her to speak my name

the mirror inside my soul

whenever I look into her eyes
the memory fills my mind
the prize I can never attain
the treasure I can never find

shows me your face

born half a person searching
for one to complete my life
all I ever wanted from her
to live as husband and wife

in the nightmare that never ends

I bleed to know
if I have gone
completely numb

the pain reminds
me of a life I knew
missing it each day

a simple motion
brings back memories
of love and hurt

so much contained
inside such a tiny
drop of my blood

would others see
the past that haunts
me each time I visit

the plane of pain
frequent flier I am
they know me by name

Visiting there is swift
always the journey back
full of hardships and hurt

the longer I stay away
means each time i return
the longer I will visit

The wounds inside me
will never fully heal
though no fault of mine

for I was born this way
as each hurt tears a piece
from my broken heart

Some thoughts for the evening.
Life is pain. Either physical, emotional, spiritual, or mental. To suffer and live through it. To suffer and learn. Suffering is a theme in my life. Perhaps joy and such should be my goal but it isn't. To suffer and rejoyce in such a feeling. To feel pain and know I am alive. The control of the knife in my hands. The blood dribbling down. The things I live for at the moment. The control, anger, hate, and pain. Focused on myself and suffering alone. Twisted and demented thoughts at the moment. That is my life.

Step into the light..
I was going to write something intelligent or at least thoughtful. Sadly was listening to some music and a song came up instead. It was Step into the light by Dust for life. It was a band that when I first heard the song I thought it had more promise. I bought the CD and listened to it for a few days and evuantally my mood shifted and set it on my shelf. A while back ago I ripped my CD's and use a playlist to match my moods. I came across this song again. So I do a search to see what I can find out about DFL to see if they have came up with new music. Sadly nothing. It almost appears they broke up and nothing was heard again. Like dust in the wind. I never enjoy the feeling when a band I like breaks up or simply stops making music. To have such a talent and to withhold it to me would be torture. I hope they are doing something they love. Perhaps they will come together again or do something in the future.

So far today I have played lots of warcraft 3. I also threw in some Tribes 2 for added fun. The past week since no work has been fun but there have been lots of moments where I was bored. Getting my wisdom teeth pulled out was not really that painful. It was more or less just a draining expierence. I should have done a blogg or something sooner to give myself something to do. I imagine I could post some random poems and short stories here and then review at a later date. Blah. I think I will play some more Tribes 2.

We all have problems. Some of us try to get professional help. Others seek a different path. This is my path. To heal myself and in the course to write some good stuff. The only audience listening is myself. The only voice speaking sadly is not my own.